I am one of those people who believes that when it comes to friendship, it doesn't matter how long you've been together or how many years you've been close. It is just how much you know them and how much you understand each other. but there would be times when you thought you already know them well but then suddenly.. you'd feel some sort of change.
You'd tryna know where the change was coming from. was it just you? was it you? or was it them?
Then you'd realize that both parties were evolving, either developing or going back to what they used to be. But what bugs me the most are those people who'd been as rude as they always were but still doesn't care and didn't even bother to be better.
All you can do is to release a big sigh of confusion, of doubt of how things would end up. There's always gonna be a part of you that wants to hold on, wants to squeeze out your great memories to know what went wrong or was it just plainly wrong but you never notice the pretencions all along because you trusted them easily. I hope not.
I just can't help but wonder. I wanna go back to those happy times where all i know is what i believe in, without doubts or second thoughts. Now I'm back with anxiety of losing friends. i had and lost a lot especially the closest ones. Now I'm scared. I really am. It doesn't mean that I'm afraid because i need something from them or i am depending on what they can do for me but because those memories i had with them really matters to me.
That really depresses me. Will i be back from having no clique to stick around? or will i just hang to these situations where i don't know what's happening anymore?
I'm a socially awkward girl. Because I'm a self-proclaimed epitome of shyness, i was the one being approached. So it was never me who took options on who to mingle with. They chooses me first. Maybe that was why i never had doubts if the liked me or not. But maybe that was before when i thought that everyone that says they like me really does, but now i can see reality. Not everyone.
Maybe this is just how some things must go. There are things that may bother you all your life and there is nothing that can make you at peace but letting those things fall apart. There would be stuffs we are better off without. there are people worth fighting for and there are relationships that would be at its best just by staying away from it. It is sometimes better to let go than to stand up for something that isn't working anymore.
Thank you so much. You are reading this, which means you care. Thanks for being my friend. You may know me since gradeschool, high school or college, or even just met you outside our house. I may have been chatting with you on fb or twitter, or just plainly someone who got curious of what the freaking non-sense i am writing. but whatever or whoever you are, i treasure you. Because you gave me a little bit of your time to read this. it might be a trash for someone but it still weighs something because of you.
It wasn't written for anyone in particular. It is just a compilation of my thoughts from all my experiences in life and in frienship. But if you see yourself on my words, it's not my fault. sorry and i love youxoxo.
-- ThatWallFlower17 xx